Saturday, July 14, 2007

Literal Answers to Rhetorical Questions

As mentioned on Weekend Edition, here is a funny page giving literal answers to rhetorical questions, many inspired by popular songs.

But the number of examples is not very large. We need some other examples. Here are a few:

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?

Joltin' Joe is buried in Holy Cross Cemetery in Colma, California.

What's new, pussycat?

Nu is the frequency of a wave in physics, an Egyptian god, a Chinese ethnic group, and a former Burmese prime minister.

Can you come up with some more questions and answers that deserve to be on that page?


Anonymous said...

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?

None. If a man is a man (a = a), you may call him a man, no matter how many roads he has walked down.

How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?

It depends on rock types, precipitation rates, etc.
Mountain Uplift and Erosion

Pseudonym said...

How soon is now?

0 seconds, within a margin of sampling error.

Who am I without you?

Most likely George Harrison, or possibly Olivia Newton-John if this is the cover version.

Why don't we do it in the road?

Apart from being a violation of traffic and public indecency laws in most jurisdictions, it's highly dangerous. In one study, 63% of fatal traffic accidents involving a pedestrian were considered to be the pedestrian's fault.

I know that the hypnotised never lie. Do ya?

The APAs both caution against the use of so-called "repressed memory therapy". In their statement on the matter, they noted that "it is impossible, without other corroborative evidence, to distinguish a true memory from a false one".

Vera! Vera! What has become of you?

After World War 2, Vera Lynn became the first British artist to top the US music charts. She was appointed an OBE in 1969 and a DBE in 1975. She founded a breast cancer research charity in 1976. Her last public performance was outside Buckingham Palace in 1995. Today, she is president of the Dame Vera Lynn Trust for Children with Cerebral Palsy.

Can't you hear my heart beat for the very first time?

The fetal heart actually begins beating by the fifth week of a 40-week pregnancy, but is usually not detectable at this stage except by vaginal ultrasound. It's not audible until much later.

Anonymous said...

And how can you mend a broken heart?

Cardiac surgery.

How can you stop the rain from falling down?

Move to the Sahara.

How can you stop the sun from shining?

Move to Seattle.

What makes the world go round?

Rotational inertia.

Anonymous said...

Where does my heart beat now?

In your chest.

Anonymous said...

Dave S.

"Why, why, why...Delilah?"

The money was good.

Anonymous said...

"What do I do when my love is away?"

Masturbate, probably.

Anonymous said...

Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp
Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong
Who put the bop in the bop-she-bop-she-bop
Who put the dip in the dib-de-dip-de-dip
Who is that man, I'd like to shake his hand

Barry Mann, who wrote the song in 1961

Unknown said...

Q: How do you releive water on the brain

A: A tap on the head

My Mom never saw the irony in calling me a "Son-of-a-Bitch".

Andy M said...

How long is a piece of string?

Anonymous said...

Why does it always rain on me?

Check your location. Maybe you're in Seattle.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?
Probably the first one, unless you're in the Matrix or Inception.

Is there life on Mars?
Of course.

Where is my mind?
If you're looking up song lyric rhetorical questions, it probably ran away.

Is there anybody out there?

Anonymous said...

Who are you? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.